Why Do We Have To Grow Older?

[Note: This is a final (?) draft of an earlier article that got posted before it was finished. Most of all, the type font was left very small and hard to read.]
A couple of comments were made before I could edit the text, and for now, I have to publish this later version along with the other one. Sorry! ]

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 I woke up feeling very sad this morning. It had something to do with a dream I had but couldn't recall.

 As I got up and wandered into the kitchen, I thought of my grandchildren who would be waiting for me to show up for a visit, today. One has his problems, and the other is so happy that I worry about the day when he starts walking, because that seems to be the time when a dark little cloud forms over our families and we begin to see which cards we've been dealt. I feel like stopping the clock for them so they can go on living as they are - innocent and happy - forever. Most of all, free from illness and pain.

 Or is it because I woke up thinking, "Oh, Hell! I really AM sixty-one and a half years old!" (half a year matters to me). But why do I complain when 4 years ago, after my sudden cardiac death, life was given back to me? Well, maybe I complain because I've become a bystander, watching the parade of life pass by, and now I feel that I'm no longer a part of it.

 I don't know, but in a little while, I'll be on the floor with my 4 year old 'Little
Big Guy', who loves to wrestle with me and jump in the air and land on my big belly. Yeah, that hurts; but seeing the smile on his face is worth the pounding. And then there's the younger one, 16 months and trying to walk on his own, and looking so proud of himself which each toddling step. Then he climbs up on Grandpa and messes up my TV viewing by pushing every freaking button on the remote! Later, he may take a nap on my shoulder and I won't be allowed to move or even cough for an hour or so, so that he can get his rest, before starting in on me again.

 I just don't know if I am feeling sad because I'm getter older, or because they are. For now, they're caught in a vicious, inconsiderate game of life. And as much as I want to rescue them from it, I also want them to live it - but with never a tear in their eyes.